My Dear Silent One, My Indigo Mist

My dear, you’ve gone into the earth
you are silent now all day long
motionless in a damp place

I, who write poetry, always tried to be by myself
and could not think of anything else
so you must have been very lonely

Not wanting to distract me, you were watching me from a distance
That was your love in indigo color
But I never even thought about it

Since I am truly by myself now
I can freely beat my wings at any time
yet, strangely, I feel you right next to me

Please be with me here for real –
saying that makes my tears flow of their own accord
I couldn’t bring myself to say those words while you were alive

A bad wife, heartless me
Even though I wanted to do my best to be good to you
my heart somehow drifted to distant dreams

But a man in this world
doesn’t even dream of apologizing to his wife for his absence
due to his work, however gigantic and rock-like his sculpting may have been

All I did was knead some malleable and familiar mud
Why do I feel so sorry
that my heart was not singly attentive to you – ?

I am a worthless woman, a good-for-nothing woman
even if you say, “That’s OK”
to me from underground

I have half-read books piled like a junk-heap by my bed
I wake up in the middle of the night and pick one of them up
At times they flutter to the floor like butterflies trying to take off

Your desire was to let me live
Even now, keeping a little distance, you are looking over me, aren’t you?
Rather, you want to say, you are closer to me because you are dead, right?

Misfit in this world, not a member of any group
you were all by yourself like a salamander
You were looking only at me from the shadow of rocks, you, my indigo mist

黙っている人よ、藍色の靄よ

黙っている人よ、藍色の靄よ