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Poem

Tsead Bruinja

WORMING UP VON KWABBENSTEIN

is a man of the world. He is fond of declaiming gems like: Switzerland is rather expensive. Just going out for Chinese there costs you a fortune. So Tsead is sensible, but what most people don’t know is that he’s also a dab hand at things like running over grannies while street racing in the northern provinces and that his favourite pastime is shooting vodka-plied bears in the forests of Russia with the king of Spain. What’s more, when Tsead is at a loose end, he provides entirely pro deo assistance to New York undertakers in the removal and marketing of the organs of recently deceased members of the Christian community. Expectations are that Tsead will soon abandon the noble calling of poet to play guitar in bands like Bloody Dick Swamp, Squirrel Nut Zippers or Phungusamongus. Tsead will undoubtedly make a sexy success of that too. What we will miss most about Tsead is his perfectly dictator-like ability to greet an entire nation from an open sports car, the Czechs for instance. Tsead is happily married but has not yet enjoyed an orgasm in Cambodia or Thailand or on a Galapogas Island. He regrets never having fucked someone in Hellhole Bay, South Carolina, or Big Beaver Lick, Kentucky. As far as that goes we can thank our lucky asteroids. It is not us but Tsead who leads a life that is truly deep and tragic.

WORMING UP VON KWABBENSTEIN

WORMING UP VON KWABBENSTEIN

is een man van de wereld. Hij declameert graag wijsheden als: Zwitserland is wel duur. Als je daar chinees gaat halen ben je al een fortuin kwijt. Tsead is dus verstandig, maar wat weinigen weten is dat hij ook zeer behendig is, bijvoorbeeld in het doodrijden van bejaarde vrouwtjes bij het straatracen in de noordelijke provincies en dat hij het liefst op dronken gevoerde beren schiet in de bossen van Rusland samen met de koning van Spanje. Als Tsead er even doorheen zit verleent hij bovendien geheel pro deo de begrafenisondernemers in New York hulp bij het verwijderen en verhandelen van organen van pasgestorven leden uit de christelijke gemeenschap. Te verwachten valt dat Tsead binnenkort de roeping van de nobele dichterij zal verlaten om gitaar te gaan spelen bij bands als Bloody Dick Swamp, Squirrel Nut Zippers of Phungusamongus. Ongetwijfeld zal Tsead ook daarin geil en succesvol blijken. Wat we het meest aan Tsead zullen missen is de manier waarop hij als volleerd dictator een heel volk als de Tsjechen kon begroeten vanuit een open wagen. Tsead is gelukkig getrouwd, maar nog nooit klaargekomen in Cambodja, Thailand of op een van de Galapagoseilanden. Tsead vindt het ook jammer dat hij nog nooit iemand heeft geneukt in Hellhole Bay, South Carolina of in Big Beaver Lick, Kentucky. Wat dat betreft mogen wij onszelf in de klamme handjes knijpen. Niet wij maar Tsead leidt een waarlijk diep en tragisch leven.
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WORMING UP VON KWABBENSTEIN

is a man of the world. He is fond of declaiming gems like: Switzerland is rather expensive. Just going out for Chinese there costs you a fortune. So Tsead is sensible, but what most people don’t know is that he’s also a dab hand at things like running over grannies while street racing in the northern provinces and that his favourite pastime is shooting vodka-plied bears in the forests of Russia with the king of Spain. What’s more, when Tsead is at a loose end, he provides entirely pro deo assistance to New York undertakers in the removal and marketing of the organs of recently deceased members of the Christian community. Expectations are that Tsead will soon abandon the noble calling of poet to play guitar in bands like Bloody Dick Swamp, Squirrel Nut Zippers or Phungusamongus. Tsead will undoubtedly make a sexy success of that too. What we will miss most about Tsead is his perfectly dictator-like ability to greet an entire nation from an open sports car, the Czechs for instance. Tsead is happily married but has not yet enjoyed an orgasm in Cambodia or Thailand or on a Galapogas Island. He regrets never having fucked someone in Hellhole Bay, South Carolina, or Big Beaver Lick, Kentucky. As far as that goes we can thank our lucky asteroids. It is not us but Tsead who leads a life that is truly deep and tragic.

WORMING UP VON KWABBENSTEIN

is a man of the world. He is fond of declaiming gems like: Switzerland is rather expensive. Just going out for Chinese there costs you a fortune. So Tsead is sensible, but what most people don’t know is that he’s also a dab hand at things like running over grannies while street racing in the northern provinces and that his favourite pastime is shooting vodka-plied bears in the forests of Russia with the king of Spain. What’s more, when Tsead is at a loose end, he provides entirely pro deo assistance to New York undertakers in the removal and marketing of the organs of recently deceased members of the Christian community. Expectations are that Tsead will soon abandon the noble calling of poet to play guitar in bands like Bloody Dick Swamp, Squirrel Nut Zippers or Phungusamongus. Tsead will undoubtedly make a sexy success of that too. What we will miss most about Tsead is his perfectly dictator-like ability to greet an entire nation from an open sports car, the Czechs for instance. Tsead is happily married but has not yet enjoyed an orgasm in Cambodia or Thailand or on a Galapogas Island. He regrets never having fucked someone in Hellhole Bay, South Carolina, or Big Beaver Lick, Kentucky. As far as that goes we can thank our lucky asteroids. It is not us but Tsead who leads a life that is truly deep and tragic.
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